Shower Us with Healing and Resilience; Help Us to Rise Again
A special learning session with Rabbi David Baum in memory of Hersh Goldberg-Polin and Fellow Hostages
Eulogy of Rachel Goldberg Polin for her son Hersch
I have had a lot of time during the past 332 days to think about my sweet boy, my Hersh.
And one thing I keep thinking about is how out of all the mothers in the world, G-d chose to give Hersh to me. What must I have done in a past life to deserve such a beautiful gift? It must have been glorious.
Hersh and I watched some documentaries a couple of years ago together about young people who had died and he said, “How come everyone who dies young is always said to be, the funniest, the smartest, greatest, the handsomest? Why doesn’t anyone ever say, ‘I liked Max, but you know what? He was pretty stupid, his sense of humor was off and had bad breath?”
I am honest. And I say, it is not that Hersh was perfect. But, he was the perfect son for me. And I am so grateful to G-d, and I want to do hakarat hatov and thank G-d right now, for giving me this magnificent present of my Hersh…. For 23 years I was privileged to have this most stunning treasure, to be Hersh’s Mama. I’ll take it and say thank you. I just wish it had been for longer.
Hersh, for all of these months I have been in such torment worrying about you every millisecond of everyday. It was such a specific type of misery that I have never experienced before. I tried hard to suppress the missing you part. Because that, I was convinced, would break me. So I spent 330 terrified, scared, worrying, and frightened. It closed my throat and made my soul throb with 3rd degree burns.
Part of what is so deeply crushing and confusing for us is that a strange thing happened along this macabre path upon which our family found itself traveling for the past 332 days. Amidst the inexplicable agony, terror, anguish, desperation and fear….we became absolutely CERTAIN, that you were coming home to us ALIVE. But it was not to be.
Now I no longer have to worry about you. I know you are no longer in danger. You are with beautiful Aner; he will show you around. You will hopefully meet my grandparents, who will adore you, and start to play chess with Papa Stan. But now my worry shifts to us: Dada, Leebie, Orly and me. How do we do the rest of this life without you?
I also pray that your death will be a turning point in this horrible situation in which we are all entangled. I take such comfort knowing you were with Carmel, Ori, Eden, Almog and Alex. From what I have been told, they each were delightful in different ways, and I think that is how the 6 of you managed to stay alive in unimaginable circumstances for so very long. You each did every single thing right to survive 329 days in what I can only call Hell.
I send each of the families my deepest sympathies for what we are all going through and for the sickening feeling that we all could not save them. I think we all did every single thing we could. The hope that perhaps a deal was near, was so authentic it was crunchy. It tasted CLOSE. But it was not to be so. Those beautiful 6 survived together and those beautiful 6 died together. And now they will be remembered together forever.
Hersh, like most parents, Dada and I often would talk about who you would become, what you would be like when you ‘grew up’, what you would do, what you would look like, what kind of parent you would be. But now you will be forever our beautiful boy. You will stay energetic, kind, patient, curious, funny, irreverent, pensive. Forever handsome. Forever young. Forever my sweet boy.
You squeezed into your young life a lot of experiences. And that gives me relief and comfort. You made true and deep friendships, you traveled each summer and started to explore the world, you worked, you learned, you read, you taught, you served, you listened, you even fell in love and had a deep true relationship for more than 2 years. And you shared the excitement of that new experience with us. You charmed everyone you ever talked to, old or young. You promoted justice and peace in a way a only a young pure, wide-eyed idealist, can. You never raised your voice to me in your life. You treated me respectfully always, even when you chose a different path.
When you wrote to us from the bomb shelter you had just seen Aner get killed. You had lost your arm, and you thought you were dying. You wrote to us, “I’m sorry” because you knew how crushing it would be for us to lose you, so you fought to stay alive… all this time. But now, you are gone.
At this time I ask your forgiveness. If ever I was impatient or insensitive to you during your life, or neglectful in some way, I deeply and sincerely request your forgiveness. If there was something we could have done to save you and we didn’t think of it, I beg your forgiveness. We tried so very hard. So deeply and desperately. I’m sorry.
Now, my Hersh I ask for your help.
As we transform our hope into grief and this new unknown brand of pain, I beg of you, please do what you can to have your light shine down on me, Dada, Leebie and Orly. Help shower us with healing and resilience. Help us to rise again. I know it will take a long time, but please may G-d bless us that one day, one fine day, Dada, Leebie, Orly and I will hear laughter, and we will turn around and see… that it’s us. And that we are ok. You will always be with us as a force of love and vitality, you will become our superpower.
To Dalya, Matt, and Richard who came to be with us every single day during this Odessey of torture, there will never be enough time or words to express my gratitude to each of you.
And I want to say now the sincerest and most heartfelt thank you to the countless people in our extended community who have held us, cared for us, prayed for us, cooked for us, and carried us when we could not stand up.
I’m so thankful to you, and I apologize deeply, but we will need continued help to get through this sickening new chapter too. I am so sorry to ask, because we have given you nothing, and you have already given so profoundly and completely. But I beg of you all, please don’t leave us now.
Ok, sweet boy, go now on your journey, I hope it’s as good as the trips you dreamed about, because finally, my sweet sweet boy, finally, finally, finally, finally you are FREE!
I will love you and I will miss you every single day for the rest of my life. But you are right here. I know you are right here, I just have to teach myself to feel you in a new way.
And Hersh, I need you to do one last thing for us…. Now I need YOU to help us to stay strong. And I need YOU to help us to survive.
Sources:
כֹּה אָמַר יְי קוֹל בְּרָמָה נִשְׁמָע נְהִי בְּכִי תַמְרוּרִים רָחֵל מְבַכָּה עַל־בָּנֶיהָ מֵאֲנָה לְהִנָּחֵם עַל־בָּנֶיהָ כִּי אֵינֶנּוּ׃ {ס}
Thus said the LORD:
A cry is heard in Ramah-e—
Wailing, bitter weeping—
Rachel weeping for her children.
She refuses to be comforted
For her children, who are gone.
-Jeremiah 31:15
Excerpt from Eulogy:
“I am honest. And I say, it is not that Hersh was perfect. But, he was the perfect son for me. And I am so grateful to G-d, and I want to do hakarat hatov and thank G-d right now, for giving me this magnificent present of my Hersh…. For 23 years I was privileged to have this most stunning treasure, to be Hersh’s Mama. I’ll take it and say thank you. I just wish it had been for longer.” - Rachel Goldberg Polin
מדרש משלי ל״א:ב׳
(משלי לא י): "אשת חיל מי ימצא" - זו היא התורה; "ורחוק מפנינים מכרה" - שהיתה לפני לפנים, וזכה משה והורידה למטה לארץ. (משלי לא יא): "בטח בה לב בעלה ושלל לא יחסר" - שלא חסר בה דבר. ד"א "אשת חיל מי ימצא" - אמרו: מעשה היה ברבי מאיר, שהיה יושב ודורש בבית המדרש בשבת במנחה, ומתו שני בניו. מה עשתה אמו? הניחה שניהם על המטה ופרשה סדין עליהם. במוצאי שבת בא ר' מאיר מבית המדרש לביתו. אמר לה 'היכן שני בני?', אמרה 'לבית המדרש הלכו', אמר לה 'צפיתי לבית המדרש ולא ראיתי אותם', נתנו לו כוס של הבדלה והבדיל, חזר ואמר 'היכן שני בני?', אמרה לו 'הלכו למקום אחר ועכשיו הם באים', הקריבה לפניו המאכל ואכל ובירך, לאחר שבירך אמרה לו 'רבי, שאלה אחת יש לי לשאול לך', אמר לה 'אמרי שאלתך', אמרה לו 'רבי, קודם היום בא אדם אחד ונתן לי פקדון, ועכשיו בא ליטול אותו, נחזיר לו או לא?', אמר לה 'בתי, מי שיש פקדון אצלו, הוא צריך להחזירו לרבו', אמרה לו 'רבי, חוץ מדעתך לא הייתי נותנת אצלו', מה עשתה? תפשתו בידה, והעלה אותו לאותו חדר, והקריבה אותו למטה, ונטלה סדין מעליהם, וראה שניהם מתים ומונחים על המטה, התחיל בוכה ואומר 'בני! בני! רבי! רבי! בני בדרך ארץ, ורבי שהיו מאירין פני בתורתן!', באותה שעה אמרה לו לרבי מאיר 'רבי, לא כך אמרת לי - אני צריך להחזיר הפקדון לרבו?', אמר (איוב א כא): "ה׳ נתן וה׳ לקח, יהי שם ה׳ מבורך". אמר רבי חנינא: בדבר הזה נחמתו ונתיישבה דעתו, לכך נאמר "אשת חיל מי ימצא".
Midrash Mishlei 31:2
"A valiant woman, who can find" (Proverbs 31:10): That is the Torah; "and further than pearls (peninim) is her price" - as it was 'in front of Me and inside (lefanim)' and Moshe merited to bring it down to earth. "Her husband puts his confidence in her, and lacks no 'booty'" - that there is nothing lacking in it. Another explanation: "A valiant woman, who can find" - They said, "There was a story about Rabbi Meir who was sitting and expounding in the study hall on Shabbat afternoon, when two of his sons died. What did his mother do? She placed both of them on the bed and spread a sheet over them. At the end of Shabbat, Rabbi Meir came home from the study hall. He said to her, 'Where are my two sons?' She said [back], 'They went to the study hall.' He said to her, 'I scanned the study hall and I did not see them.' They gave him the cup of Havdalah and he separated [the days of the week with the closure of Shabbat]. He repeated and said, 'Where are my two sons?' She said, 'They went elsewhere and they are coming now.' She placed food in front of him and he ate and blessed. After he blessed, she said to him, 'I have a question to ask you.' He said to her, 'Say your question.' She said to him, 'Rabbi, before today, a man came and deposited something with me, and now he is coming to take it. Should we return it to him or not?' He said, 'My daughter, one who has a deposit with him must return it to its owner.' She said to him, 'Were it not for your consent, I would not have given it to him.' What did she do? She grabbed his hand, brought him up to that room, had him approach the bed and took off the sheet from upon them. When he saw both of them dead and laying upon the bed, he began to cry and say, 'My sons, my sons, my teachers, my teachers - my sons in the way of the world, my teachers in that they would enlighten my eyes with their Torah.' At that time, she said to Rabbi Meir, 'Rabbi, is this not what I told you - do I not need to return the deposit to its Owner?' He said, '"The Lord has given and the Lord has taken; may the name of the Lord be blessed"' (Job 1:21)." Rabbi Chanina said, "With this thing, she consoled him and his mind became composed - that is why it states, 'A valiant woman, who can find.'"
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
How is the Eishet Chayil defined here that is different than the passage in Proverbs? What is this teaching adding to how we define valor?
What question did Rabbi Meir's wife (Beruriah) ask him regarding a loan that she had received? What did Rabbi Meir tell her to do?
2. Why did Beruriah frame it this way to Rabbi Meir?
3. How do you think this story helped console people in the past? Can it still be comforting today?
5. How can we connect this Midrash to Rachel's words, "And I am so grateful to G-d, and I want to do hakarat hatov and thank G-d right now, for giving me this magnificent present of my Hersh…. For 23 years I was privileged to have this most stunning treasure, to be Hersh’s Mama. I’ll take it and say thank you. I just wish it had been for longer”?
Rachel states, "As we transform our hope into grief and this new unknown brand of pain, I beg of you, please do what you can to have your light shine down on me." When Rachel references Hersh's light, would Jewish tradition see that as metaphorical? Or is this more than a metaphor?
תהילים צ״ז:י״א
(יא) א֭וֹר זָרֻ֣עַ לַצַּדִּ֑יק וּֽלְיִשְׁרֵי־לֵ֥ב שִׂמְחָֽה׃
Psalms 97:11
(11) Light is sown for the righteous, radiance for the upright.
מלבי"ם באור המילות על תהילים צ״ז:י״א:א׳
לצדיק, לישרי לב. הצדיק הוא הכובש יצרו, והישר לב טבעו נוטה אל הטוב והוא ישמח כי אין לו מלחמה פנימית.
Malbim Beur Hamilot on Psalms 97:11:1
On the terms Tzaddik and those "Straight of Heart" - the righteous soul is the one who overcomes his inclination towards evil. The one who's heart is straight is he/she who inclines towards goodness and experiences joy. There is no inner turmoil in that pursuit of good.
From The ZOHAR (Jewish Mystical text/from 12th Century)
Rabbi Isaac said, "The light created by God in the act of Creation flared from one end of the universe to the other and was hidden away, reserved for the righteous in the world that is coming, as it is written: "Light is sown for the righteous." (Psalm 97:11) Then the worlds will be fragrant, and all will be one. But until the world that is coming arrives, it is stored and hidden away.
Rabbi Judah responded, 'If the light were completely hidden, the world would not exist for even a moment! Rather it is hidden and sown like a seed that gives birth to seeds and fruit. Thereby the world is sustained. Every single day a ray of that light shines into the world, keeping everything alive; with that ray God feeds the world. And everywhere that Torah is studied at night one thread-thin ray appears from that hidden light and flows down upon those absorbed in her. Since the first day, the light has never been fully revealed, but it is vital to the world, renewing each day the act of Creation."
(Zohar, translated by Daniel Matt, The Essential Kabbalah: The Heart of Jewish Mysticism, page. 90. Zohar 1:31b-32a; 2:148b-149a)
“There are three ways in which we respond to sorrow. On the first level, we cry; on the second level, we are silent; on the highest level, we take sorrow and turn it into song.” And Heschel adds, “The love of life despite its absurdity holds out the certainty of a meaning that transcends our understanding.”- Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel
אַחֵינוּ כָּל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל, הַנְּתוּנִים בְּצָרָה וּבַשִּׁבְיָה, הָעוֹמְדִים בֵּין בַּיָּם וּבֵין בַּיַּבָּשָׁה, הַמָּקוֹם יְרַחֵם עֲלֵיהֶם, וְיוֹצִיאֵם מִצָּרָה לִרְוָחָה, וּמֵאֲפֵלָה לְאוֹרָה, וּמִשִּׁעְבּוּד לִגְאֻלָּה, הַשְׁתָּא בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב.
As for our brothers, the whole house of Israel, who are given over to trouble or captivity , whether they abide on the sea or on the dry land:
May the All-present have mercy upon them, and bring them forth from restriction to openness, from darkness to light, and from subjection to redemption, now speedily and at a near time.
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